kairon13 (kairon13) wrote,

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Some thoughts about friendship and friends lists

I've been thinking a lot over the last day and a half about why it is so devastating to be removed from someone's friends list. It may be that it reminds me of those times at school when I was the last to be picked for teams, or didn't get to go around with the in-crowd. But I think it's more than that. For some people, the friends list on BookCrossing may be just a convenient way to bookmark bookshelves they find interesting, but when I friend someone it is because I like what I know of that person and would like to get to know her/him better. It gives me a warm glow when someone friends me, because I think they feel that way about me. Now, twice, I have had someone take that away from me, and it hurts. The first, I finally removed from my friends list, and that hurt perhaps as much, because it felt like an acknowledgement of loss. The second - well, I'm holding on for a little while, I'm not quite ready to let go yet.
Here, it's different - more trust involved - and I can understand removing me from a friends list, though that hurt too.
Maybe my expectations are too high? But I don't ask more than I'm prepared to give.
I'm leaving this entry open, at least for now.
Tags: bookcrossing, friends, friendship, lj friends, sadness

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